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By Sophie Slade (edited by Kevin George)
Harville Hendrix developed a theory of relationships and wrote them down in a book entitled
Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples.
Then Harville met Helen LaKelly Hunt and they formed a strong partnership that endures today. They developed the ideas first explored in the book and created a workshop for couples which has been refined over the last 20 years. They developed a following and therapists sought out training in Imago theory and technique. Eventually, Harville's work caught the attention of Oprah Winfrey and he appeared on the show 17 times.
The national attention that was being generated created the need for infrastructure to support the work. Nancy Jones (our first administrator) was a powerful presence in the early years as was Sanam Hoon in the New York office. The Institute of Imago Relationship Therapy (IIRT) was formed to help facilitate the spread of Imago across America. People came from as far as Sweden to train at the Institute.
Harville had a vision of training workshop presenters to give the workshops, clinical instructors to train therapists, and master trainers to train the clinical instructors and IIRT provided the structure for all of this. Five great Master Trainers were created (Pat Love, Sunny Shulkin, Bruce Crapuchettes, Maya Kollman and Joyce Buckner). The thrust energy of IIRT was instrumental in disseminating the seeds of Imago across North America- a masculine energy in my view.
Designed as a for-profit organization, staff were hired by Harville. Later an Executive Director, Rick Brown, was appointed to take charge. While successful at getting the word of Imago out to the world, it was never a success at taking in profits and would have met with financial ruin but for the generous support of Helen LaKelly Hunt.
In 1991, a group of talented and committed therapists got together in Dallas, Texas for an inaugural conference and The Association of Imago Relationship Therapists (AIRT) was formed. AIRT reflected, in my view, the feminine organizational energy of holding, connection and nurturing of the therapists.
There was an early newsletter "The Imago Dialogue" that was used to share ideas and happenings. And the marvelous Ed Shea wove us together through a network of phone bridges members could meet weekly to continue to learn, share experiences, and present ideas. About 30 of us had little telephones stuck on our conference badges one year so we could recognize each other. How excited we were to put faces to familiar voices.
News@ImagoTherapy.com was, I believe, the brainchild of Al Turtle, another great initiator and holder of our community. He was always stretching many of us beyond the edges of our computer literacy. We asked for and received help with cases, support through times of personal difficulty, shared belly laughs on Fridays (BLF) and later discussed our politics, both within Imago and external (to the distress of some). We were on the cutting edge of technological, connective potential, excited and challenged at the same time.
So IIRT reflected the masculine thrust energy and AIRT the feminine holding energy and like all good relationships where growth is trying to happen these two parts came into conflict- attachment stage conflicts, exploration stage conflicts, identity stage conflicts, possibly even a few competency stage conflicts. The two organizations got into the Power Struggle, rife with all the usual projections, reactivity, defensive adaptations and wounding
Many Imago therapists were confused by the duplication of services between IIRT and AIRT, frustrated by the dual fees, unclear about the roles and responsibilities of the two organizations and distressed by the confrontational nature of the relationship. Some felt very badly wounded and were unable to work through the pain and stay with the Imago community. Many of us still grieve the loss of these skilled and dedicated members.
Most of us continued to dialogue, to show up and hold to our belief in Imago as a way of being in relationship personally and organizationally and our belief that dialogue is the means to achieve this. We started to develop ways to dialogue as a community, to adapt the dyadic process to group situations. This impetus has evolved into Communologue, developed by The Peace Project (which was inspired initially by Alan Schiffer after 9/11), the process we continue to refine and practice in our community meetings.
The Dialogue between IIRT and AIRT continued and many very dedicated souls met regularly around "fire pits" to stay in connection and give a voice to all who wanted one. We were inventing the process...in the process. We were not perfect. Often we crashed and burned and learned we had erred too late. Out of all that emerged a new possibility - one organization, Imago Relationships International (IRI) - to be owned and run by the Imago community worldwide, including lay and clinical members.
We imagined non-hierarchical structures for the new organization. IRI is conceived as what I call a participatory democracy, any and all members can play an active role and have a voice through membership on committees and/or on the Board.
AIRT was a representational democracy. It was a professional organization of and for therapists. Members voted for representatives who served in various functions on the Board. We each had an individual voice through the ballot we cast for a particular team who would then run the organization and make decisions of our behalf. Eventually, the majority voted to dissolve and join IRI.
IRI is the primary organizational structure of Imago. It is overseen by a Board of Directors and consists of a membership association, a training division called The Imago International Institute (III),workshops and programs for relationship education, and a division of social outreach. and several Committees. The chair of each committee also serves on the Board. Currently the organization employs an Executive Director, a Membership Director, a Training Coordinator and part time administrative help. Harville still serves on the Board.
I believe that we truly do contribute, each and every one of us, to creating the future of IRI, probably not so much with our overt plans and ideas for it but through our way of being in connection with each other, through our capacity to walk our talk in community as well as in our most intimate relationships.
We are all still human beings with our sensitivities, projections and defenses. We will continue to wound each other unintentionally until such time as we are all healed and whole. We are on a journey together, not at a destination. May we learn to stay in connection and grow through our challenges. |
